HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
