I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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