I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
