Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
