Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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