you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
