Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
