I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
