i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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