i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
