im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
