Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
