he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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