if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
