I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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