I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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