On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
