girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
