when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
