Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
