If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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