Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
