Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
