I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
