Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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