my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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