Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize