I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
