My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just tell him i said nine months
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
