Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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