I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
