we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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