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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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