whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
