Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
