I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
