If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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