so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and she was petting her beer can
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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