id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
