Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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