What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
