i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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