thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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