Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
