you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
