sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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