I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
