Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
