you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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