first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
