hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
