I'm pants shitting drunk right now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
