The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
