I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
